In order to break the pattern of having the same arguments in your relationship with your spouse over and over… here are some specific things you can do to change the outcome.
First, let’s break out and take some chances…risk doing something different. When conversing, change your body posture, lean forward when you listen to those old familiar words…ask questions…pause, rather than immediately respond or jumping in with your normal response or your opinion at this point. Relax, take a breath, if you need and repeat back what your spouse is saying in your own words to see if you do actually understand what they are saying. This a key point and can change the whole conversation from this point forward because now at least you’re clear on their point. Remember…whenever you’re in the middle of this chatfest, it’s important for you to say what you really are thinking and don’t expect them to already know as if they can read your mind. Never use words as weapons, to hurt or to punish…it’s almost impossible to reverse the damage caused by this loss of self-control.
Secondly, work on making yourself a better person and liking yourself more. You can’t give away something you don’t have and you can’t even accept love from someone else to any greater degree than you already have for love yourself. I’ve said many time before that just because your spouse doesn’t love you the way you want them to…doesn’t mean that they’re not loving you with everything they have. So…learning to love yourself more becomes a key element to you having a better relationship with your spouse. Abandon trying to change your spouse because it is beyond your control and…it simply doesn’t and can’t work.
Third, commit yourself to the relationship. In Taekwon-Do training, you have to fully commit yourself to doing a particular technique and if you’re worried about the courterattack, you might never make the movement which could save your life. If you commit yourself totally to the proper execution of the movement, there is a great chance it’ll work.
Most people don’t commit themselves to their relationships simply because they’re afraid they won’t find a reciprocal response from the other. Both, it seems, are only willing to commit themselves as much as the other is willing to commit and they end up re-playing the same tired tape over and over. Eventually…the excitment is gone and laughter is gone and if the laughter is gone…pretty much the relationship is finished. Now…a relationship that could have flourished is lost simply because no one is willing to take a chance and commit. ~ Mack Newton
